


The Terrorist

by spacedaydreamer



Series: The Terrorist [1]
Category: Zero Escape (Video Games), Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma - Fandom
Genre: Eating Disorder, Gen, Mental Instability, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, a lot of description of bleeding and bruising; mostly from self-inflicted injuries, an AU based off the idea of 'what if Junpei was the terrorist mentioned by Delta', and all the things that would have to happen to get him to that point, description of injury, hand injury/implalement, implied starvation, self mutilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 12:57:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10719786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedaydreamer/pseuds/spacedaydreamer
Summary: Junpei had been captured. He'd known it was always a possibility- things go wrong, you make a mistake, and you get found out. He knew better than to expect anything good to happen to him considering who he was dealing with; but he did have to wonder what they were actually planning. It wasn't like they'd just leave him alone... right?





	1. Descent

“Shit… which way should we go?”

Junpei looked to Seven, not sure how to answer the question. There were guards everywhere- they’d tripped an alarm system, and now Free the Soul was _quite_ aware of their presence in the building. They’d already taken care of what they needed to do, but it was now getting _out_ that was the hard part. They were stuck at a turn, one path branching left, and another right. One of these would lead to safety, and the other, likely to their death… Junpei bit his lip and swallowed, then quickly made up his mind. They had no time for hesitation, not now.

“Right.”

“Got it.”

They set off at a sprint down the hall, eyes scanning constantly for any danger. The hall was quiet, there was nobody around- no, it was too quiet. Junpei was about to say something, when-

 _Bang_.

He felt the bullet tear through his thigh, and he fell to the ground as his leg gave out.

“Shit! Kid, are you alright?”

“Don’t worry about me, just go.”

“What the hell are you saying? I’m not just gonna leave you here-“

“You stay, and we _both_ die. I’m not giving up, I’ll try to get out too- but you’ve gotta run.”

“Junpei, I’m _not_ leaving you behind-“

“Just _go!_ ”

He could hear the guards coming- if Seven didn’t leave now, then he’d be killed as well. Shit, this wasn’t good…

“I’ll do what I can to fight them off- just please, _go_. This’ll all have been pointless if we both die.”

“Dammit… _dammit!_ I’m gonna come back for you, y’hear me?”

“Heh… yeah, I hear you. Now get out of here.”

He breathed a sigh of relief as Seven ran off, and forced himself to his feet. He raised his gun, looking for whoever it’d been that had shot him (and wondering why they hadn’t already finished the job); but it was too late. He’d been easily surrounded, and he felt cold steel pressing up against the back of his neck.

“Drop your gun.”

He did as told, and waited for the sound of a bullet to come- the last thing he was sure to ever hear. However, wait as he might, the sound never came. He was confused, before he realized why: they were listening to something over earpieces. It was faint, but he could hear a bit of the audio leaking- not enough to tell what it was, but enough to figure they were getting instructions.

And then before he could say anything further, he felt impact on the back of his neck, and he crumpled to the ground.

* * *

 When Junpei woke up, he found that he was in a small room- a cell, to be exact. The only light came from a dim fixture on the ceiling, illuminating the paper-thin bed he was on, as well as the shoddy toilet and sink. There was also a small chute, with an opening no bigger than the size of his hand; probably for garbage. He went to stand up, and immediately winced- his leg hurt really bad.

His hand went to the wound on instinct, and he expected to feel blood- but no, there was a bandage wrapped around it.

Were they honestly planning on keeping him alive?

Junpei doubted that. He’d caused them enough trouble in the past, so the chances of him actually living through this were slim to none. He knew better than to count on Seven to come; so all he had left was to wait for the inevitable.

How wonderful.

There was no way for him to tell the time without any windows, and he could tell it’d be impossible to break down the door. It was a heavy iron thing, with only a thin slot in it that he presumed was for guards to speak, if needed. Pretty soon, he’d started pacing (or, the best he could do with one injured leg). There was nothing he could do to get out of this situation, but it felt better than just sitting around and doing nothing. There had to be _something_ , right?

An indiscernible amount of time passed before something did happen- the slot was opened, and something haphazardly tossed through. He went to investigate, and found that it was food- or at least, he supposed it was going to have to _pass_ for food. All they’d given was a piece of bread that seemed to be closer to a rock then something edible, and an apple that was now going to be sporting a sizable bruise from that drop. Still, it’d be stupid to starve himself… he grabbed the ‘meal’ with a resigned grunt, and did his best to eat. The apple at least was passable, but the bread was completely inedible. He felt like he might break his teeth taking a bite; so he tossed it down the little chute, along with the apple core.

“Ugh… what the hell am I supposed to do?”

The answer was simple- nothing. There was nothing he _could_ do, after all. All he could do was wait for whatever they were planning for him.

* * *

 Junpei didn’t know how much time had passed. He’d started by trying to count time with meals, but it had quickly proved futile. After a few, he’d found that he couldn’t keep track of them, with one melting into the next. Each time it was the exact same: slot opens, stale bread and an apple, slot closes. No words, no indication that anyone even knew if he was actually _alive_ \- and yet, it was the closest thing to interaction that he got.

He’d tried talking to whoever it was once, but gotten no results. The moment the slot had opened, he’d simply opened his mouth and said anything that came to mind, but there’d been no response. There wasn’t even a sound made, outside of the slot closing back up.

He’d decided that talking to anyone was pointless after that.

He would talk to himself, though. It was practically all he could do, besides pacing or thinking. He was constantly agitated, he hated sitting still- every second, he had to be moving. It was keeping him sane. Movement meant that he was alive, and it he was alive, then that meant he could move. Whether it was tapping his foot, or moving his head, he was always moving a little bit.

Currently, Junpei was pacing. Three steps left, then two right, then two left, then three right. He continued back and forth for an amount of time the he couldn’t identify- the only factor that he could use to tell time was how long it took for his feet to hurt. He’d once tried counting his steps, but that had fallen apart very quickly. Keeping track made him further agitated, so he’d stopped before he’d gotten angry.

The pacing continued without stop, even when his feet started aching. His leg was in constant pain, but he ignored it- he’d learned to ignore it very quickly. He either felt nothing, or he felt everything; his brain only switching between reacting to every minute impulse, or making him feel so numb that he wondered if he was actually dead. Junpei was in the latter state right now, and he couldn’t stop pacing. He didn’t want to stop. If he kept pacing, then maybe he could feel something? It was possible, so he kept going. He’d just keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going keep going keep going keep goin

* * *

 “Let me out… let me out… let me out…”

Junpei was pounding at the door to his cell, but his voice was weak and hollow. His eyes were bugged out and staring at nothing- he could hear something. There was something in his cell that he couldn’t see, but it was _there_. Something was going to get him, and if he couldn’t get out, then he was going to die.

“Let me out…”

He continued to pound at the door until his fists were bruised and bleeding, but didn’t stop there. He needed out, he needed out- he was going to be killed. He was going to die. All he could see were the smears of his own blood on the door, the only splash of colour in his cell... it fascinated him. His manic assault stopped, as if fixated by what he saw. It felt like it had been years since he’d seen colour, aside from the grey of this cell. He couldn’t look away from it.

“Let me out…”

He was still whispering with that same hollow tone, but he moved away from the door. His hands were still bleeding- why not put that to good use? He could make the room have some colour, make it inviting. After all, he was going to be staying here, wasn’t he? Wouldn’t it be nice if his room looked good? Yes, that was important. Grey was so drab, it would be much nicer with red. Red was a pretty colour.

“Let me out…”

His voice was on repeat as he smeared his blood on the wall above his bed, trying to cover a decent portion of the smooth cement before taking a step back to appreciate his work. Blood dripped from his hands, but he didn’t care- that would make the floor look nice. The floor deserved to look nice too.

“Let me out…”

The scent of blood was getting stronger- it was choking him. He started to cough, and stared at the red- and it stared back. There was something in the red, and it was watching him. He felt his heartbeat quicken, and went back to banging at the door. The red would watch him. It was always going to watch him, now. He wasn’t alone.

“Let me out… Let me out… Let me out… Let me out… Let me out… Let me out… Let me out… Let me out… Let me out… Let me out…… Let me out……… Let… me… out……………”

* * *

 “Stop! Stop, _shut up!_ Stop it!”

Junpei was scratching at the skin on his arms, not caring how much it tore and bled. He could _hear_ Them, _feel_ Them- he didn’t know who _They_ were, but They were watching him. They wouldn’t stop watching him, and whispering about him. He could hear Them talking about him behind his back, telling him that he was going to die. They were going to kill him. Who was They? He didn’t know, but They were going to kill him. His mind went in circles, and that was all he knew for certain. They were going to kill him.

He felt something brush against his shoulder, and he jumped backwards. They weren’t there, They weren’t touching him- but They were close. Close enough to make him feel shivers down his spine, and ghostly touches on his skin.

“Go away! Go away! _Go away!_ ”

He started throwing himself at the wall, slamming the shoulder that They’d touched into it over and over. He could feel it bruising, but that was good. It if was bruised, then They couldn’t touch him there. They only went after the skin that wasn’t damaged, so he had to keep hurting. Bruises were good, bruises were safe. Same with his arms- they were a patchwork of self-inflicted scars and scabs, from how often he tore open the same skin. Blood oozed from the most recent wounds, and he smiled at it. They couldn’t touch him where he was red. They didn’t like red, or purple. They liked the colour of skin, sickly and malnourished and untouched by sun for who knew how long. That was Their favourite thing to touch, so he wouldn’t let Them. He’d keep bleeding, and so long as he did, They couldn’t touch him. Then, once it healed up and scarred over, he’d bleed again. Bleeding and bruising would keep him safe. It was the only thing that could keep him safe.

He felt Them touching the back of his neck, and his spine curled. He started scratching blindly, smearing blood over his neck and into his hair; and They stopped. Good. The whispers were quieting down- Junpei had bled enough, They couldn’t touch him now. He’d protected himself with scars and bruises, so They had to go. He could hear their angry whispers, he could tell that They were furious that They couldn’t keep touching him, trying to kill him, but there was nothing They could do.

“You have to go. You can’t touch me now. Go away, go away, go away…”

He was smiling, his eyes dull and empty and staring at one of the splotches of red on the wall. His walls were a patchwork now- some places were fresh and bright, others dried and brownish, but they were all covered in red. The red watched him, it would protect him, keep him safe from Them. He could trust the red. Red and purple were all he could trust, blood and bruises; bruises and blood. They were the proof that he was alive, so he clung to them, and treasured every scab and scar. They couldn’t kill him, not as long as he had red and purple.

* * *

 Junpei was staring.

It was all he _could_ do.

There was a person in his room.

He hadn’t seen the door open, he didn’t know where she came from, but she was here for him.

Akane.

Kanny.

She was dressed just like she’d been in the nonary game, in soft, beautiful purple… she looked like a goddess. Her eyes were kind and gentle, and her smile made Junpei feel more alive than he had in… well, however long he’d been here. He knew that there was a 'before', but he didn't really know what that meant. The room was all that felt real to him anymore.

“Kanny? What are you doing here?”

“You’ve been good to live so long, Jumpy. Very, very good.”

“R-really?”

“Yes, Jumpy. Very good.”

He smiled when she praised him, much like an excitable child. Kanny was proud of him- what more could he want? He could faintly remember something else, something that told him something was _very_ _wrong_ with this situation, but he ignored it. He had Kanny. Wasn’t that all he really wanted?

“I love you, Kanny.”

“I love you too, Jumpy. So, Jumpy… will you do something for me?”

“Of course, Kanny! Anything for you. I’ll do anything you tell me to.”

“Jumpy, I want you to listen to someone for me. He and I work together, so you can trust him- do whatever he tells you to, ok? He needs your help. Only you can help him.”

“Only… me?”

She walked towards him, smiling gently. She’d gotten close enough that Junpei could see through her, that he could see how her chest didn’t move and her eyes didn’t blink, but he didn’t care. He had Kanny. Who cared if she looked strange, she was still Kanny.

“Yes Jumpy, only you. You’re the only one in the world who can help him.”

“I can… help someone…”

“And if you’re good, if you help him… Delta… I’ll reward you, Jumpy. We can be together forever, happy. We’ll never be apart.”

“Together…”

“Doesn’t that sound good? Don’t you want to be together forever?”

Junpei nodded enthusiastically, Akane’s words setting in. If he did what she wanted, then they’d be together forever. He’d be with his Kanny. He’d finally be together with her, he’d be happy with her. They could be together.

“I’ll do whatever he says, Kanny. For you.”

“I’m so happy, Jumpy! Thank you.”

She smiled, and Junpei couldn’t look away. It was as if he was staring into the sun- she was positively radiant, and it hurt to look, but it was impossible to look away. He refused to look away, but she still disappeared- he blinked, and she was gone.

But, Junpei wasn’t scared. He knew that if he was good, Kanny would come back. She’d come back for him, if he helped Delta. He’d do his best, and Kanny would love him and they’d never have to be apart ever again.

* * *

 He didn’t know how much later it was when the door opened- it could’ve been minutes or days, time didn’t mean anything to him. There was only one person there, an old man with red sunglasses. Junpei found himself relaxing- he had red, he was trustworthy. Junpei could trust red.

“Junpei? I believe you were made aware, but I need your aid…”

“Are you Delta?”

The old man nodded, and Junpei stood up. He’d do anything, so long as he could see Kanny again. It was clear just by the look on his face that he was willing to help, so Delta smiled, and led Junpei out of his room.

“You see, there’s something that’s going to be happening soon, and both of us need to take part. You need to be a part of it, because Akane’s going to be in danger. You want to save her, right?”

“Yes, of course! I can’t let Kanny get hurt.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m certain that you’ll be able to help her. However, she won’t remember seeing you here- she’s been taken by some bad people, and they’ve played with her mind. They’ve tricked her into thinking that my people want to hurt her, when all we want to do is help her.”

Junpei’s hands clenched into fists, and his vision darkened.

“How _dare_ they? Laying a hand on Kanny is unforgivable. Don’t worry, I’ll protect her. I’ll keep her safe.”

“You’re very reliable, Junpei. Akane is lucky to have you.”

He smiled at the praise. All he wanted was to be useful to Kanny. He could be useful to Kanny.

While he was thinking, Delta gestured to a new door. It was a new room, painted in a soft purple. There was a large barred window, a soft-looking bed, and even a door to a bathroom- this new room was wonderful! There was even a small television in one of the upper corners, although there was no way to turn it on.

“You can stay here, but there’s one condition: you can’t bleed anymore. You see, Akane will think we did something bad to you if you’ve got scabs, so you need to let yourself heal up. Do you think you can do that?”

Junpei nodded vigorously, and stepped into the room. He wouldn’t need to bleed; this room would protect him. It was purple, and purple was Kanny’s colour. He’d be safe. Kanny would keep him safe, and then he’d see her again, and he’d keep her safe.

* * *

 Junpei had no concept of how many days had passed, only that each day, Delta would come to talk to him in the morning. He would explain more about what was going to happen, or he’d tell Junpei more about what’d happened to Kanny. However, the most important things where when he told Junpei how to act.

“She might be suspicious if you act too attached. She’s been brainwashed into thinking we’re evil, so if she suspects you, then she won’t let you save her. You have to be subtle.”

Junpei nodded. He was certain he could act well enough. He had to act, if he wanted to help Kanny.

“Good. Now, there’s only one last thing: You must act as if we’re strangers. For the sake of our success, I’ll be acting as though I’m deaf and blind- you cannot speak to me. Do you understand?”

Again, Junpei nodded. That would be easy to do, he was certain.

“And, you remember the… contingency plan?”

A third nod. If Kanny wouldn’t stay with him after everything was done, then that meant the people who’d taken her needed to be stopped, by any means necessary. He’d simply destroy them, and himself along with them. Kanny would forgive him for what he had to do after he saved her.

“Very good. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your dedication once you’re able to save her, Junpei. Now, you should prepare yourself, because we’ll be leaving tomorrow.”

Junpei smiled, unaware as to how the action revealed how empty and soulless his eyes were. He’d been broken, completely and utterly, but it was alright to him. He had a purpose, after all. _He_ didn’t matter, _he_ was entirely worthless, but he had Kanny. And for Kanny, he would do anything.

He was far too tied up in his thoughts about Akane to notice Delta’s cruel smirk as he left the room and locked the door.


	2. Experiment

Junpei walked into the Dcom facility with his hands shoved into his jacket pockets, doing his best to look disinterested. He wanted nothing more than to find where Kanny was, to pick her up and take her from here and keep her safe, but that wasn’t an option. He could wait, though. He’d wait until the game was done, and then he’d get to be with her forever.

His eyes scanned the faces of the other participants- he knew none of them, aside from Delta (who’d told Junpei to call him Q), and Kanny. Well, none of them mattered. He’d just put up with them until the experiment was over.

“Junpei, right? I’m Carlos- I was put in charge, but you don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna get crazy strict or anything, haha…”

Carlos scratched the back of his head, then extended his hand for a handshake. Junpei stared at it for a moment, before realizing what he was supposed to do, and weakly reciprocated.

“Yeah, uh… good to meet you.”

He shrugged and walked to sit down at one of the card tables that’d been set up, trying to get out of having to talk to the others. The only person who he cared about was Kanny- only her. He saw no point in wasting time talking to the other participants, they were just a waste of space.

He could hear them talking, though. Two of them, a girl with white hair and a boy with black hair, were staring at him and whispering. He couldn’t make out their words, but it _bothered_ him- what were they saying? Why the _hell_ were they looking at him? He felt himself starting to glare; but he stopped himself. He couldn’t make enemies. He had to be good, so that he could convince Kanny to trust him.

“Junpei, what are you doing here?”

There was a look of concern and worry on her face, and Junpei felt his heart stop for a moment. She was so _beautiful_ … He felt like he was falling into her eyes, that beautiful, beautiful purple…

“I just signed up because I wanted to. Do I need a reason?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Then it’s fine, right?”

Kanny looked down, visibly worried. What could she be worried about? Junpei was here, he’d keep her safe from everything. So long as he was here with her, she’d have nothing to worry about.

Eventually, after a long moment of consideration, she simply sighed and walked away. He hated watching her leave, he wanted to chase after her and keep her beside him at all times- but he couldn’t. He had to be patient. Junpei was very good at waiting, so he was certain that he’d be able to wait for Kanny.

* * *

 

“Hey, Junpei, you in here-“

He’d been in the middle of changing into a new shirt when Carlos knocked on the door, but he didn’t bother responding. Naturally, Carlos had then walked in; and only when he saw Carlos’s stunned face did he realize his mistake. He’d been given the jacket to cover his arms, and he’d been told that he wasn’t allowed to show anyone his scars. However, now Carlos could see each and every one, and he looked horrified.

“Whoa… man, are you alright?”

His arms and chest looked like more scar than skin, and even with the time he’d taken to heal, there were still bruises on his back. Beyond even that, his arms and chest were unhealthily skinny; the malnourishment of the past months making each rib quite visible.

“Oh, I’m fine.”

He slid his shirt on and went to grab his jacket, but Carlos grabbed Junpei’s wrist before he could do anything, and started looking more closely at his scars.

“You’re clearly not.”

Junpei tried to pull his arm from Carlos’s grasp, but he found that he couldn’t. He didn’t have the muscle mass to do it, so all he could do was make a pointless, futile struggle.

“Look, just don’t worry about it, alright? I’ve just got bad luck.”

“…”

It was plain as day that Carlos didn’t believe that, and Junpei knew it was because the scars were clearly self-inflicted. _Dammit,_ he’d been stupid… he’d never forgive himself if this cost him Kanny.

“Just…” Eventually, he gave a resigned sigh, and stopped struggling to get out of Carlos’s grasp. “Just don’t tell the others. Please. I have to do this, I can’t get sent back…”

He gave Carlos his best pleading stare, and tried his best to ensure that it was as genuine-looking as possible. It seemed to work, because he could feel Carlos’s grasp weakening.

“…I get it. But, Junpei?”

“Yeah?”

“Just… no more of that, alright? If I see that you’re hurting yourself, I’m not gonna have a choice but to contact the experiment staff.”

“I won’t. I’ve already made a promise to stop.”

Carlos sighed in relief, and a smile made its way onto his face.

“I’m glad to hear that. And… if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me. I know we just met, but I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

“Yeah, sure thing.”

Junpei went along with what Carlos was saying, but he had no actual intention to talk to him about anything. The only one who deserved to know _anything_ about Junpei was Kanny. Only she was allowed to know him. Only her.

Carlos finally left and closed the door, and this time Junpei was sure to lock it.

* * *

 

“…Junpei? Hey, are you awake?”

“..huh?”

He slowly lifted his head from the card table and blinked, finding Phi staring down at him.

“Ugh, did you head a word I said? Why the hell are you so tired, it’s only three in the afternoon.”

Junpei blinked, and tried to process what it was she’d meant by that. He just slept when he was tired, wasn’t that normal? He found that he _couldn’t_ sleep for more than a couple hours at a time, but he tried to get back to his room, normally… he must’ve just made a mistake. _Another_ mistake.

“Hey, earth to Junpei. Wake up, I’m talking to you.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry Phi, I was just feeling really tired.”

“I can see that. Anyways, pay attention this time.”

They were supposed to be working on some project thing for the Dcom staff- her explanation was simple enough, and they started working on it pretty quickly. However, Junpei’s mind was still stuck on sleep.

He’d been told to fit in with the other participants, which meant sleeping through the night and staying awake during the day, however he was finding it _very_ hard to do. Without light, Junpei had no concept of time; and not even the clocks meant anything. Clocks could and would lie, so he had no reason to trust them.

This facility, Dcom… if it wasn’t for Kanny, then it would’ve reminded him of his first room. The one he’d stayed in for so long, where _They_ would follow him. Sometimes he’d hear Them whispering before he fell asleep, the soft static of Their voices playing in the back of his mind, but They didn’t touch him. They couldn’t- he had Kanny, and she protected him from Them. When he was near her, They couldn’t touch him.

After a while, Junpei finished the thing they needed to do and left for his room- he could hear Their whispering, he needed to get more sleep.

* * *

 

“Um… Junpei? Do you mind if I… speak to you for a moment?”

He looked up to find that Diana was staring at him, a clearly nervous expression on her face. He had no reason _not_ to speak to her, so he figured he might as well- she led him to the small nurse’s office, and locked the door.

“Well, I figure I should just say it… Junpei, have you been eating right? I’ve noticed you really don’t take that much, and you’re very thin…”

He tilted his head and crossed his arms, in an effort to appear nonchalant.

“I just don’t retain much body weight, that’s all. I’m perfectly fine.”

It was a lie and he knew it, but he didn’t want _her_ to be fussing over him. He couldn’t care less if Diana thought he was underweight, the only person who mattered was Kanny. She was the only person worth changing for.

“Junpei…” Diana sighed- had he made a mistake? “I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve seen eating disorders before. I know that this can be a very difficult subject to talk about, but you’re not alone in this… if you’d like, I’d be more than willing to help work with you, so that you can start working towards better habits for eating.”

An eating disorder? Did he have one of those? He’d just been taking the normal amount of food he’d been given- he’d figured that was what was _normal_. Yes, he was skinny- but he didn’t _need_ muscles. All that mattered was that he was alive, he didn’t need anything extra. All he needed was the minimum for survival, any more and he’d just be wasting food.

“I said, I’m fine. I don’t have an eating disorder or anything, so you don’t have to worry-“

“I’m not stupid, Junpei. Even if it wasn’t diagnosed, anyone could see that you’re not at a healthy weight. Look, I didn’t want to do this, but… if you refuse to let me help you, I’m going to have to tell Carlos. It’s my job to ensure that all of the participants stay healthy, and I don’t want you to collapse because you aren’t eating.”

There was a determination in her eyes that told Junpei it was not an empty threat- he felt panic start to grow inside of his chest, and he quickly nodded while his eyes darted around the room for something else to look at.

“Fine. I’ll listen. Just, don’t tell him. You can’t tell him.”

If she told him, he might take that as enough excuse to end the experiment. If they did that, he’d get locked up in a hospital- and if _that_ happened, then he’d never get to be with Kanny. It would be the end of everything.

“Thank you, Junpei.” There was still conflict in her eyes, as if she was considering telling Carlos regardless- but it seemed like the desperation on Junpei’s face got to her, and she gave up. “Now, we can start by discussing _where_ to start…”

* * *

 

“Tenmyouji? What are you doing?”

Sigma was speaking to him, but Junpei could hardly hear. They were in the ‘garden’ module of the facility, and Junpei’d accidentally cut his finger open. It was just a small slice, but it was enough- the blood oozed slowly, and Junpei was completely transfixed by it. It had been so long since he’d seen his own blood, and watching it slowly bead from the cut, then run down his finger to his hand… it was mesmerizing.

“Hey, what the hell’s going on there? You alright?”

Sigma put a hand on Junpei’s shoulder, and that was enough to jolt him back to reality. He blinked a couple times, then shook his head and pretended to wince a bit at the cut.

“Yeah, fine. Just cut my finger on something- guess I got caught up in trying to figure out where it happened.”

Sigma was unconvinced, but Junpei had no other explanations to offer. He knew that Sigma wouldn’t understand how _important_ that red was to him, after all. Nobody could understand just how special it was, along with purple. If he tried to explain that his blood protected him, then Sigma would assume he was crazy, and tell Carlos. Junpei couldn’t let anyone tell Carlos anything.

“Well, doesn’t look like it’s too bad. Think you’ll need a bandage, or just gonna walk it off?”

“I’ll be fine, just gotta give it a moment to stop.” He put his finger in his mouth and sucked for a second, then pulled it back out to examine. He was careful not to show disappointment at the now-clean finger, and instead forced a mask of relief. “See? Perfectly fine.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

Sigma sighed and went back to work, but Junpei found himself hesitating. Out of all of them, it always felt like Sigma suspected something. He wasn’t sure if he was just naturally suspicious (or he may’ve just been insane, considering the way he spoke), but Junpei felt as though he _knew_ that he was hiding things.

Was it possible Sigma was one of the ones who’d hurt Kanny?

Junpei got back to work, but the chances seemed high. It would explain why he’d tried to sabotage the experiment by ranting about some ‘virus’, and it would explain why he was suspicious of Junpei. It was possible that he knew about why Junpei was here, about his plans to rescue Kanny. And if he knew about Junpei’s plans, then he might try to stop them again- Junpei wouldn’t let that happen. No matter what, he’d save Kanny from them.

* * *

 

Junpei stared at the weight equipment, his hands shoved into his pockets to prevent Kanny from noticing how they were shaking. It was just the two of them, alone… he was so happy, he felt like he could pass out right then and there.

“Junpei, tell me why you signed up for this experiment.”

“I just thought it’d be interesting, I already told you that.”

“No, you’re hiding something. I think Sigma’s right, something’s up with you-“

“What, so you trust _him_ , but not _me?_ I’m not lying to you Akane, what reason would I have to lie?”

This was all the proof he’d needed. Sigma was one of the ones who’d hurt his Kanny. He’d get Sigma for that- but later. Not now.

“Junpei, this isn’t about _trust_. This is something much bigger- please, you _have_ to tell me why you signed up. This facility is… it’s dangerous. If we’re not lucky, then six billion people will die… mankind will go extinct.”

He raised an eyebrow, doing his best to pretend as though he didn’t believe her. It was hard- he knew that Kanny would never willingly lie to him- but he had to consider the fact that she’d been fed nothing but lies by Sigma. To think, she actually believed him… it broke his heart.

“Akane, you’re all paranoid over nothing. The world’s not gonna end, just calm down already.”

“But Junpei-“

“Just _listen_ to me, Akane. There’s nothing that could set off _anything_ like that here. After Sigma went crazy, didn’t we all do a check of the place anyways? And we found nothing. If you’ve been listening to him, he’s just paranoid.” Kanny looked down. It seemed like she knew what he was saying was _true_ , but she still didn’t believe him regardless. What could he do to make her believe in him…? “He’s probably messing with things just because he can- or hell, maybe that’s what Dcom staff _told_ him to do. Maybe they told him to act crazy, for the same reason they stuck us with Q.”

_‘Put the participants in a difficult situation, and see how they’d react.’_

Junpei knew that was impossible, for _both_ options. Sigma was a bad, horrible person who’d hurt Kanny, and Q was Delta. Delta was fully capable of taking care of himself, but had to pretend otherwise for the sake of rescuing Kanny.

“Well… I guess it’s possible.”

It was clear from her face that she didn’t think so, but Junpei would take it. For now, it was good enough. He didn’t expect her to distrust Sigma, after all- she’d basically been brainwashed. She probably couldn’t even comprehend the idea that he might be lying to her.

They split up shortly after, but Junpei couldn’t stop thinking about how unfortunate that all was.


	3. Vote

Junpei awoke in the shelter with a groan, his head pounding for a reason he couldn’t remember. He stood up, and noticed Kanny and Carlos on the ground- within seconds he was at Kanny’s side, making sure she was alright. Thankfully she was breathing, and she woke up shortly after.

“Where…?”

It was only when she looked around that Junpei realized he wasn’t in the facility anymore, but rather what appeared to be some sort of tall room. There were TVs mounted on the wall, just like the one from the good room he’d had- did that mean Delta had prepared this place? Junpei didn’t know for certain, but it was possible.

A voice jolted him from his line of thought, harsh and distorted and unfamiliar. They turned to the nearest TV screen, and all glared at this ‘Zero’- Junpei, because they had the _nerve_ to steal Kanny’s name, but Carlos and Kanny were probably glaring for some other reason.

They listened carefully to the entire announcement, but in the end, all they knew was that they’d have to vote for one of the other teams to die.

“Well, who’re we going to pick? Not voting isn’t an option.”

Carlos and Kanny both looked torn, and Junpei sighed. He couldn’t let them not do anything- Kanny’s life was in danger. Not voting would let _her_ die, and Junpei would _gladly_ kill everyone on the other teams just to get her out.

Kanny looked like she was going to say something, when a sudden noise interrupted them.

“Gab?”

Carlos looked down at the little dog, and Kanny’s face lit up with an idea.

“Follow me! I know _exactly_ how we’ll work around this.”

She first went around and gathered some things, then led them to the vent in the prep room. After writing out a note, she sent Gab in using a piece of cheese.

“…What’d you just do?”

“I told everyone we should split the votes! Think about it- if we vote for D-team, D-team votes for Q-team, and Q-team votes for C-team, then what happens?”

“Well, nobody would get two votes, and nobody’d die…”

“Exactly!”

Kanny seemed quite happy about that prospect, but Junpei couldn’t share the sentiment. Spreading the votes meant that Kanny would be stuck here longer, and she might die. Junpei wouldn’t let her die.

They simply sat around and spoke for a while, but Junpei didn’t join much in the conversation. It was a lot of just Kanny asking about Carlos- why did she care so much about him? Was he not _good_ enough anymore? Why wasn’t he good enough for Kanny to focus on him instead?

After a while longer, Carlos eventually checked his bracelet, and sighed in defeat.

“No response still… we’re just gonna have to vote, and hope that Gab delivered the message.”

“Alright… so, you’re gonna vote Q-team, right?”

“What? Junpei the hell are you saying?”

Carlos was looking at him with an expression that Junpei couldn’t decipher, but he only shrugged it off.

“Well, think about it. We haven’t gotten a response- it’s possible that D-team’s going to betray us, and use Q-team to kill us. In that case, it’d be smartest to vote for Q-team; in self-defense.”

He was lying, but his voice sounded smooth and confident. What he really wanted was to kill them all and get Kanny out, but three out of six X-passes would be a start.

“Carlos, don’t listen to him. You have to do what the note said, the others are counting on us.”

Junpei shrugged, and let Carlos do whatever he wanted. It seemed as though he’d picked to vote D-team, then. In a way, that was almost nice- after all, if they were betrayed by Q-team… then Sigma would be dead. Less pleasant than getting to kill Sigma himself, but it’d still take care of him. That was good enough.

He said nothing as the bracelet injected him, only falling asleep and praying that he’d wake up next to hear about Sigma’s death.


	4. Contingency

When Junpei woke up, they were all locked in the shower room. Carlos and Kanny were talking again, and it _pissed him off-_ but then Kanny spoke to _him_.

“Junpei… what the hell were you _thinking_? Why would you tell Carlos to vote for the other team?!”

“Didn’t I say so? It was self-defense.”

“That’s a lie and you know it. Just… you _never_ would’ve said that a year ago!”

Junpei’s hand tightened into a fist, and he looked down. A year ago… what had things been like a year ago? Had it actually been a year? Logically, he knew that it made sense for December 2028 to be over a year later than November 2027, but he had no concept of time anymore. It was broken, just like everything else.

“Things happen, people change. Isn’t that life?”

“Not this drastically. Just… _why,_ Junpei?”

She looked genuinely angry at him- not just disappointed or upset, but _angry_ , and it horrified Junpei. Before he could say anything, Carlos interrupted.

“Look, uh… why don’t you just tell us more about yourself?”

“Why, are you interested in me?”

“Hah, no time for a love life.” That wasn’t what Junpei meant at all, but Carlos didn’t seem to notice. “You just haven’t really said much about yourself, is all. Why’d you decide to join Dcom?”

Kanny was glaring at him- dammit, he didn’t want her to be mad… he figured he could tell a half-truth, then.

“For that girl right there. She disappeared after last year, and I got worried- I wanted to find her, to make sure she was alright.”

The anger on Kanny’s face instantly melted, replaced by a deep, sorrowful guilt. It wasn’t _good_ , but it was _better_. He was going to say a bit more, in hopes of convincing Kanny that he was here to help her- when an announcement sounded.

Junpei hardly paid attention to most of it, only picking out that a) everyone else was still alive, and b) they _needed_ to push that button, or Kanny would die.

“Get out of my way.”

“No, Junpei! If nobody pushes it, then it has to be like last time-“

“That doesn’t matter! If somebody _does_ push it, then we’re _dead!_ ”

Well, he and Carlos didn’t matter. They could both die, it was only Kanny who needed to live.

“Stop this-“

“Get out of my way!”

He ducked under her arm before she could do anything further, and reached for the button- but then he felt Carlos’s arms snake around his, and pull him back.

“Stop, Junpei! Just think about this _rationally_ \- We have to trust the other teams!”

“ _Rationally?_ Clearly _I’m_ the _only_ one thinking _rationally_ \- your ‘trust’ is going to get us killed! _We can’t trust any of them!_ ”

“You can’t know that for sure.”

“Alright, then tell me! Are you ok with _dying_ , Carlos? Are you ok with nobody ever even knowing how you died? Are you ok with feeling the flesh get _melted off your fucking bones_ by _acid_ , just because you wanted to ‘ _trust_ ’ the other teams? That’s not ‘trust’, it’s fucking _stupidity! We have no **reason** to trust any of them! Just use your fucking brain!_ ”

With a grunt of effort, Carlos threw Junpei aside, and he slammed into the wall. He heard a crack as his elbow flew backwards, and he screamed in pain- he’d likely broken it. Damn you, Carlos… damn you… _damn you_ …

“A wise decision.”

Zero’s voice came back on, and Junpei was shocked to find that it was congratulating Carlos for having pushed the button. His face was warped by grief and confusion, and it was clear he had no idea what was going on- Junpei didn’t care, though. He’d gotten what he’d wanted. Oh, he couldn’t forgive Carlos for making Junpei think he’d let Kanny die- but he’d still gotten the outcome he’d wanted.

Junpei passed out with a smile on his face, completely ignoring the damp feeling from inside his jacket.

* * *

 

When they woke up, Carlos still wasn’t doing well. Junpei couldn’t understand _why_ \- the only person who mattered was Kanny, who cared if everyone else died? Sigma was a traitor, Phi’d gotten along well with him so she probably was too, and none of the others mattered. Junpei supposed that it was a shame that Delta had died, but he’d known this place was dangerous. If he hadn’t wanted to die, he could’ve not shown up.

Junpei sighed as they started talking about the X-passes, wondering what was taking them so long. Why couldn’t they just use their damn brains? He decided that there was no point in waiting any longer, so he went to the input machine, and entered the six codes.

“I’m opening the door.”

“…”

“…”

Neither of them had any reason to stop him, and their conversations fell quiet. Pleased to have met no resistance, Junpei his the enter button; and the door opened. He and Kanny left easily, but for some reason, Carlos stayed behind- what sort of idiot would stay? It didn’t matter though, so long as Kanny got out.

The ride up to the surface on the elevator was long and silent, and Kanny refused to look at him. Junpei didn’t know why, but it made him angry. He’d _rescued_ her. He’d kept her _safe_. Why would she _possibly_ be upset now?

Kanny radioed the Dcom staff once they reached the top, and it didn’t take long for emergency services to show up. They started speaking with them both, and Junpei was doing a decent job at throwing them off-

“Junpei, you’re bleeding…”

He looked at his hand, only now noticing the red dripping down from further inside his sleeve. The paramedics instantly started talking, asking questions that he was able to brush off, but Kanny just _wouldn’t leave it be_.

“Wait… when you got thrown by Carlos- I heard a crack. Junpei, did you break your arm?”

“I’m _fine_ , really-“

His protests were unheard, and the paramedics demanded he removed his jacket. He couldn’t hide any longer.

“J-Junpei… your arms…”

She sounded horrified, but Junpei didn’t really get why. He knew that she’d be worried by his scars, because that’s what he’d been told- but horrified? They weren’t _that_ bad, they were his lucky charms. They kept him safe.

Kanny was moved away so that the paramedics could put his arm in a splint, but as soon as he was left alone she’d practically ran back, fear and worry evident on her face.

“What happened to you, Junpei?”

“It’s nothing, Akane. Don’t worry about it.”

“This is _clearly not nothing!_ Junpei, was this… was this my fault, somehow?”

For the first time, he found that he was genuinely surprised. Why would Kanny blame herself? Hadn’t he _gladly_ become like this, for her? He couldn’t remember things being different, everything before that room was blurry and unfocused, and he didn’t care. It wasn't like it mattered; his life had been meaningless before that point.

“Of course not, Akane. It wasn’t your fault at all.” He knew he couldn’t tell her about Them, so instead he just gave her a reassuring smile, and patted her on the shoulder with his free arm. “Now, we should get going, shouldn’t we?”

“Huh? Going where?”

“Well, away from here.”

Despite how obvious it seemed, something about his words appeared to put Kanny on edge. Junpei had no idea why- what didn’t make sense about what he’d said? They were going to be together now. Forever. That’s what she’d promised.

“I suppose, but… It feels wrong, just leaving… them……”

“Why?”

That was the wrong question.

“What do you mean, _why?_ ”

“O-oh, I just- I mean, they’re all dead, so it’s not like we can do anything about it.”

“Well, that’s _true_ , but… don’t you think we need to explain? Their families deserve to know at least part of the truth…”

Junpei scowled- again, that was the wrong answer.

“Junpei, what is _wrong_ with you? Why are you acting so… weird?”

“ _You’re_ the weird one, Akane. Didn’t you say that if we got out, then things would be fine?”

“…what? When did I ever say that?”

“In the room! You told me that we just had to get out together, and that was all that mattered-“

Too late, he realized his mistake. Kanny’d forgotten everything from the room when Sigma’s people had taken him. She wouldn’t remember any of that.

“What room are you talking about.”

“It’s nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

He tired to look away, but she gripped onto his face and stared him dead in the eye with an intensity he’d never seen before.

“Tell me, Junpei. Now.”

Junpei’s eyes darted around, trying to look at _anything_ else- he didn’t want to tell Kanny before her mind had been fixed, but he didn’t have a choice. He couldn’t hide things from Kanny any longer.

“The room, at the place. The one with the red walls, and cement floor- don’t you remember it? Have you really forgotten?”

She shook her head, but only seemed to grow more concerned.

“This room… how long were you in there?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t?”

“No. It doesn’t matter, anyways.”

“Junpei, it does matter. It matters quite a lot.”

“ _Why?_ Look, we’re out, and we’re safe. We can be together now, everything will be _fine_.”

He didn’t know why, but Kanny looked scared. What reason could she have to be scared? He was smiling, he was nice and good and friendly! And more than anything, he was Kanny’s. Everything that was him existed only for her.

“No.”

One word, and everything that was him shattered.

“Wh-what are you saying, Akane?”

“Junpei… something happened to you. Something bad, and… you need help. Major help. I’ll stay with you until you’re better, but until then, we can’t be together.”

“Something happened to _me?_ No, Kanny- I’m fine! It’s _you_ who got hurt- They took you away, didn’t They? They _hurt_ you.”

“Junpei, nobody’s laid a finger on me. I’m perfectly fine…”

“It’s ok, Kanny. You don’t need to lie to me. I know that might be what you believe, but you’ll be alright. You’ll be perfectly alright.”

For some reason, Kanny started to back away. As much as he hated to admit it, Junpei’s patience was wearing thin. Why was she being so _difficult?_ She should _know_ that Junpei was only trying to _help_ her!

“No. This is… this is very wrong. Junpei, you either have to listen to me, or I’ll go.”

“So… that’s how it is.”

“H-huh?”

“I can’t believe they hurt you this badly…”

He was no longer listening to Kanny, instead focusing on only one thing. She’d been hurt _this badly_ by that bastard Sigma, to a point where she didn’t believe a word he said. There was only one possible way that they could be together now- if Junpei fell back to rely on that.

The contingency plan.

* * *

Junpei hadn’t seen Kanny for the months after Dcom, but he didn’t care. He knew that he’d see her again very soon, once he finished what he had to do.

“Hey, what are you doing in here?”

“Someone call security!”

“Stop moving, put your hands behind your head!”

Junpei looked up from the console with a grin, smiling as he hit ‘ _enter_ ’. It didn’t matter _what_ they did now, it was too late. Too late for _all_ of them. If he couldn’t save Kanny, then he’d just reset everything- the entire world needed to start again. He’d start _everything_ from the beginning.

“Hey! We said, hands behind your head!”

He turned to face them, the Cheshire grin never leaving his face. They both looked unnerved, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter if they shot him or not, he’d be dead in a minute regardless. And so would they.

And then, everything else would follow.

“Shit! Look at the console- what did you _do?!_ ”

“Oh, nothing. I just played around with it a bit, that’s all.”

“You fucking bastard! You’re _insane!_ ”

Junpei only shrugged, and let his arms fall limply to his side. One of the men made to shoot- but the other stopped him.

“There’s no time! Ignore that crazy fuck, we’ve gotta set off the emergency systems-“

“It’s pointless, they’ve already been disabled. You should use this time for your last prayers.”

They ignored him, and tried anyways. Just like he’d said though, no emergency sirens could be triggered. They started yelling, and leapt for the manual speaker system- but Junpei wasn’t stupid. He’d already destroyed it.

“You fucking _monster_ … you _monster!!_ ”

He felt the bullet pierce his abdomen, but he hardly even noticed. The distorted smile never left his face, even as his legs gave out- it didn’t matter how he died, no matter what the outcome was going to be the same. This horrible world that had ruined his Kanny was going to _burn_. All because of him.

It made him so happy, that it brought a tear to his eye.

“Soon, Kanny… soon, we’ll be together _forever_. You’ll join me eventually, and then we’ll never be apart again. Just like you promised.”

His words degraded into manic laughter as he listened to the panicked shouts of the security guards, who clearly weren’t at peace with their deaths. His last seconds were spent smiling, before his world turned to flame and he was erased forever.


	5. Forget

“We’re trapped…”

“Yes, we are…”

Kanny looked down as Junpei continued to stare at the blockage of rocks, visibly upset by this barrier. Why did things have to be so difficult? They’d shifted correctly, the transporter had worked fine, so why this? Why couldn’t he and Kanny _just be happy_?

“So, you’ve made it to the timeline where you were executed, and I’m alive… welcome.”

Zero spoke, and Kanny glared. Junpei was hardly interested, so he decided to just let them talk for a while. Nothing was interesting, just rambling about what happened on this timeline, about the virus and about who Zero was- wait, Zero was Brother?

That meant that Zero was Delta… so, Zero _could_ be trusted. That was a relief. Even if they were stuck in here, he was sure that Delta would have some degree of a plan for them. He’d help him help Kanny.

“You see, I released radical-6 for a greater reason. If I do nothing, then a religious fanatic will pull a terrorist attack, which sparks a nuclear war. The death toll for that is eight billion- _all_ of mankind.”

“No…”

Kanny stared in disbelief, but Junpei could only tilt his head in confusion. That was his _contingency plan_. He wasn’t a terrorist, he was just aware of what needed to be done, should Kanny reject him.

“It is true- is that not right, Junpei?”

“What- _?!_ ”

Kanny looked at him with a shocked expression, but Junpei was still confused. He wasn’t a religious fanatic, and he wasn’t a terrorist- why would Delta lie about him like that? It was rather cruel.

“Ah, it looks like he… doesn’t fully understand it.” It was impossible to see through the mask, but it sounded as if Delta was disappointed in him. “Very well, I suppose it would be simpler to explain to you _visually_ , Akane.”

Junpei blinked- once, twice, three times. He could hear static, and the faintest sound of _whispering_ \- no, it couldn’t be…

“ _They’re_ here, Junpei.”

“N-no… no…. no, They’re not allowed to be here! They can’t, because Kanny’s here-“

“Can’t you hear them already?”

His entire body tensed up as he felt a phantom hand brush against his shoulder- Delta was right. Even with Kanny here, even with her protecting him, They were _still_ here, _watching_ him. They were going to kill him, right here with Kanny watching…

“Remember Junpei, no bleeding.”

He collapsed to his knees, shaking violently. He couldn’t bleed. He needed to bleed to protect himself, but he couldn’t. Not with Kanny here. He was going to die. He was going to die because he couldn’t bleed, and Kanny had to watch him die. He was going to die. Going to die. Going to die.

Kanny had started yelling, but he couldn’t tell what she was saying. She was shouting at the screen, and Junpei _tried_ to listen, but he couldn’t. They were far too loud for him- They were screaming at him, gently brushing Their hands over his skin and making it feel like his entire body was on fire.

Why had Delta set Them on him? Had he made a mistake? Or had Delta _betrayed_ him?

Junpei didn’t know, but it didn’t matter anymore. He’d said Junpei wasn’t allowed to bleed, but that didn’t matter either- he didn’t want to die. He was going to die unless he did something. Besides- the only person he needed to listen to was Kanny. Only her.

He heard the distorted voice from the speakers sigh in disgust as he threw off his jacket, but nothing mattered. He dug his fingernails into his arms as hard as he could and tore at the skin, relief flooding him as he felt the familiar pain and subsequent dampness of blood. It was good, but not enough- he could still feel Them. They were still going after him, even as he bled- _why? Why couldn’t They leave him alone?! Why did They want to kill him so badly?!_

He couldn’t stop staring at the floor, completely incapable of focusing on anything but his direct surroundings. One hand reached for the back of his neck, the other scratching at his chest- when he felt someone wrapping themselves around him, holding his arms down.

“S-Stop! Stop, let me go! I need to- they’ll kill me! _They’ll kill me! I’m going to die! I’m going to die! **Let me go!"**_

He started struggling, but to no avail. His body was too weak to fight back, all he could do was attempt to free his wrists from whoever was holding him down.

“Junpei, stop. Please, please… I’m here. It’s ok. Please, Junpei, you’re going to be ok.”

His vision started to focus, and he could see who it was that was talking to him- it was Kanny. Kanny was holding onto him, she was comforting him- near instantly, Junpei felt his body start to relax. Kanny was here.

“Kanny? Kanny, They’re still here…”

“It’ll be ok, Junpei. Just stay calm, I’m here with you… they’ll go away. Just stay with me, please… no more scratching. _Please_ …”

Junpei wanted to believe her. He wanted to trust Kanny, to believe that They’d go away. She wouldn’t lie to him… right? She was the _only person_ that Junpei could trust…

“I-I’ll stop… I’ll stop…”

“Thank you, Junpei.”

She released his wrists and pulled him closer into her arms, resting her head on his shoulder. Junpei did much the same, just doing all he could to soak up the warmth of Kanny’s body. She was _here_ , she was _real_ … much like she’d said, he heard Them start to quiet down. Kanny was protecting him.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but eventually Kanny moved, pulling back a bit so she could look at Junpei’s face. It was weak and hollow, but he was wearing a soft smile- why _wouldn’t_ he be smiling? Kanny had held him close, she’d gotten Them to go away… she really was his goddess.

“Junpei… we should patch you up, ok? You shouldn’t just leave those to bleed…” She stared at the gashes on his arms, before grabbing one of his hands and holding it up to her face to examine. “And, you should clean your hands too… it can’t be good to stay like this.”

“Ok.”

Junpei didn’t know why it would be a bad thing, but if it was what Kanny wanted, then it was what he’d do. For her, he’d do anything.

“Alright then, let’s-“

She was cut off by the sound of an explosion, and the X-door getting blasted off. Her back was to the explosion, and she threw herself forwards in an attempt to protect him. When the dust cleared, they both looked up to find someone in firefighter’s clothes.

“Sorry I’m late, guys- wait, what happened?”

He pulled off the mask to reveal himself as Carlos, and he stared at Junpei in concern. Blood was still oozing steadily from his arms, and he’d gotten it all over his and Akane’s clothes.

“We should be getting him out of here, he needs to get looked at.”

Carlos nodded at Akane’s suggestion, and the two of them started leading him out of the facility. He didn’t complain when paramedics started to check him out, and wrapped his arms- it was ok, because Kanny was here for him. He waited for them to finish before heading back over to her and Carlos, hoping that she’d be willing to listen to him, even though he’d failed to hide everything.

“Kanny… can I stay with you, this time? Please?”

“Junpei…”

“I know I’m a failure, but I-“

“No, that’s not it. You’re not a failure, Junpei… it’s something else.”

“Is it… because of Them?”

“No, that’s not it either.”

“Sigma, then? Because he hurt you?”

“What- where did you get that idea? No, I’ve never even met Sigma in person before this experiment.”

Oh… so then Sigma wasn’t one of the people who’d taken Kanny.

“Tell me then, Kanny. What can I do to stay with you. _Please_.”

“Can you… give me your hand, Junpei?”

He nodded, and held out his hand for her- and felt the sharp pain of needles in his wrist.

“You’re going to have to forget this. Forget _everything_. This past year, maybe even the nonary game… you can’t remember anything, for your own sake.”

“K…Kanny… why…?”

“You’ll be alright when you wake up, Junpei. I promise, everything will be alright. History’s already proven that you’ll be alright.”

“No… I don’t… want to… forget…… you………”

But he didn’t have a choice.

He fell asleep, and with it, everything that he was fell back to zero.


	6. Remember

Junpei couldn’t stop shaking. He’d SHIFTed, and he’d remembered- oh god, he’d _remembered_. All the histories, everything that’d happened- but more importantly, he’d remembered _before,_ too. Before the room, before almost half a year of complete and utter isolation, before he’d been broken into a shell; he could remember what he’d been like.

Logic dictated that what he’d become was _wrong_. He was wrong about Delta and Akane and Sigma, he was wrong about the world, and his own actions- he’d _ended the world_. He was a terrorist, he’d caused the attack that destroyed humanity. Logic told him that he was a monster, that he’d become the exact sort of person he’d once despised- but emotion told him that it was justified. Emotion told him that anything was justified if it was for Kanny. He’d do anything she wanted, _anything_ for her.

But, even _she_ hadn’t wanted him.

She’d made him forget her, she’d gotten scared of him and left, he’d let himself die to get her out- but she hadn’t stayed with him. She was horrified of what he was, and more than anything, it was tearing him into a million pieces. He would do _anything_ for her, but she didn’t want him.

He wanted to simply give into the logic, shut down any emotions that he might have left, and do purely what he thought to be _right_ \- he had to die. That was the _logical_ choice. After all, if he lived, then eight billion people would die. Delta could get inside his head, and that didn’t even _count_ ‘Them’; Junpei was certain he had no chance against the both of them. If they wanted him to snap, they could achieve it. He had no defenses.

However, his emotions furiously refused him. They were pulling him in fifty different directions; each screaming just as loud as the next. _‘Use the contingency plan’, ‘stay with Kanny no matter what’, ‘kill Sigma and then leave forever’_. He didn’t know what to do, and it was driving him further insane. There was far too much in his mind, too many emotions and too many memories for him to ever process properly.

And so, all he could do was stay in place where he’d collapsed to his knees, shaking and holding onto his arms with a white-knuckle grip.

“Junpei? Can you hear me?”

It was Kanny, talking to him slowly. He managed a shallow nod, but his eyes didn’t see her. He was focused on a particularly interesting spot on the ground, trying to figure out what he needed to do. The sun beat down on the back of his head, uncomfortably hot for this time of year, and it made him further uncomfortable.

“Junpei, I want you to come back with me. I want to help you.”

“Kanny…”

“Yes, Junpei?”

“Please… kill me.”

He didn’t see the reaction on her face, but he could hear a quiet gasp. The others were talking amongst themselves, muttering and glaring at him- he knew, but he didn’t care. He had to let the logic win, before emotion came back and he lost control forever.

He couldn’t let them die again.

Not again.

“J-Junpei, what are you-“

“You won’t be able to stop me. Nobody did… not last time. Not when I…” His voice was weak and strained, and yet somehow lacked any emotion. He couldn’t have emotion. “Please. Please, kill me before I lose myself. Please, Kanny. Kill me.”

“No, I won’t. You’re not beyond help.”

He wanted to laugh, but he felt nothing. He couldn’t afford to feel anything. So instead, he pushed himself to his feet, and forced himself to walk over to Carlos. Carlos had the gun. If Junpei had the gun, then he could die. He _had_ to die.

“Kill me.”

“Junpei, stop this!”

“Just _Kill Me!_ ”

His voice turned to a shout as he lunged at Carlos, trying desperately to wrestle the gun from his hands. He was at a clear disadvantage, his body was too weak to do much more than struggle uselessly, but he wasn’t rational. Every ounce of energy he had was being used in his attempts to grab the gun- they eventually had to get Sigma to restrain him, but he continued to writhe.

“ _Kill me! You have to kill me! Please, I don’t **want** to do it again! I **know** I’ll do it again! Just **kill me** , please! **I need to die!**_ ”

Tears were streaming down his face- emotion was returning, and it was crashing down over him in waves. He’d gone from feeling nothing to feeling absolutely everything, and all the weight was dragging him deeper and deeper. Nobody seemed to know what to say, nobody knew what to do or how to react- they all knew who he was. They all knew _what_ he was. They couldn’t argue him, no matter how much they wanted to.

His struggling stopped as his sobs grew in intensity, and still nobody could speak. The manic energy that’d gone into his insanity had morphed in form, and was now forming a deep pool of despair that he continued to sink into.

“Why… Kanny, I’m not… _I’m not worth it_.”

Was she honestly choosing _him_ over _eight billion people?_ Even if it made him happy- more overjoyed than anyone could possibly imagine- he _knew_ it was _wrong_. Logic was harsh like that, it told him that his own life meant nothing compared to the entire human race.

Especially considering his was the life of someone who’d already taken those eight billion before.

“We’ll find a way to help you, Junpei. I promise.”

“It’s impossible. I can’t be helped. You should _know_ that already.”

“We haven’t tried yet. It’s not impossible.”

“Even if you can do that, you can’t stop Them. Nobody can. It doesn’t matter what you do, They’ll come back.”

“You don’t know that for sure, Junpei. Just please, let us _help_ you.”

His body hung limply from Sigma’s arms, and his head was hanging loosely forwards. What could he say? Why wouldn’t Kanny just let him _die?_ How could she feel anything but complete and utter disgust for someone who’d killed _so many people?_

The thought crossed his mind that he could just go with her and then kill himself without her knowing, but he couldn’t do that. Despite everything, he was still Kanny’s. No matter how much he _wanted_ to die, how much he knew he _had_ to die, he couldn’t do something that she didn’t want him to. He couldn’t die if she told him not to, he had to listen to her.

“Please, Junpei…” Her voice was soft, and she’d walked up to him once more. Sigma let go of his body and Junpei slumped forwards- directly into Kanny’s arms, who’d been waiting to catch him, and pull him into a close hug. “Jumpy… please, just trust me. Let me try to help you. I don’t want you to die without having even tried…”

“Kanny…”

His voice was little more than a whisper, and he buried his head deep into her shoulder. Despite everything, she was still so warm… he’d do anything for her. He _knew_ he’d do anything for her, and that was the _problem_.

“It’ll be alright. We’ll help you.”

“…”

“Can you trust me, Junpei?”

“Yes… but…” his voice was soft, meant only for her ears. “If you can’t… then you have to kill me. Please. I want it to be you…”

He couldn’t see her expression, he only felt her gently start to rub his back.

“I… ok. But I wont let it get to that point.”

“……”

“It… was always the same day, right?”

“………yes.”

“Then, promise to stay with me until then. Promise.”

“I promise, Kanny…”

“Thank you.”

Her voice was gentle and kind, and Junpei wished that they could stay like this forever. To stay in her arms, forget both logic _and_ emotion, and live only for her warmth and kindness. However, that was impossible. He knew that sooner or later, he’d slip. No matter what Kanny said, it was an inevitability.

Despite everything, Junpei still wished that she would just kill him now.

It would be so much _nicer_ , and there wouldn’t be that constant dread that he felt. He’d be able to die with some semblance of himself intact, he’d be able to die knowing that he’d managed to do _one thing right_ with his broken existence. Yet, that wasn’t what he was being permitted. Junpei was not allowed to die- or at least, not yet.


	7. Analysis

“You think you’ve figured it out?”

“Yes… I’ve gone over my memories very carefully, and I think I’ve figured out what triggered it- or rather, “them”.” Sigma leant back in his chair, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Akane. She knew that he still didn’t trust Junpei- he’d probably _never_ trust Junpei, and she couldn’t really blame him. “I didn’t recognize it at first, but there was a very low sound, similar to radio static, that started to play around the time that he first broke down. If I had to guess, they likely played a similar sound any time he started to break down. Eventually, it would just become a conditioned response…”

“I guess that’d make sense. Still, they sure did a number on him.”

“I got in contact with Seven- they captured him in mid-June. The effects of solitary confinement can start to show within a week in some cases, and his case was different than a normal prison. He was completely isolated for six months. And of course, that doesn’t even begin to account for Delta’s interference.”

“For someone you claim to care about, you sure are being clinical while talking about all this stuff.”

“…” Akane sighed, and looked at the monitor. Junpei was sleeping, currently- although it was light and restless, like always. “If it was Diana, how do you think you’d respond?”

“I’d kill every last one of them.”

“That’s how I feel. However, helping him is more important than revenge.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“I’m glad you understand.”

“You do know I still can’t trust him though, right?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“And if you aren’t able to do it, I will.”

“…I know.” Akane closed her eyes for a moment, before looking up at the ceiling. Maybe if she hadn’t left him behind, this never would’ve happened… but there was no time for regrets. “I’m fully aware. If… if he really does try to end the world, I’ll stop him by any means necessary. I owe him that much, at least.”

“That’s a pretty messed up thing to owe someone…” Sigma sighed, and crossed his arms. “But then again, all of this is pretty damn messed up. I never would’ve guessed that _he’d_ be the one- and certainly wouldn’t’ve guessed that Delta set him up for it.”

“Yes… in the end, all of his reasons were due to a problem he created in the first place.”

“mmh.” Sigma grunted in agreement, but it didn’t look like he wanted to say anything more on the subject. Akane could hardly blame him- just as she felt responsible for Junpei, it was likely that Sigma felt as least somewhat responsible for Delta’s actions. “Well, regardless. He’s been calming down, but it doesn’t look like he’s really getting anywhere.”

“It’s going to take him a long time before he starts showing any change.”

The _‘if he ever gets better at all’_ was left off, but she knew that Sigma understood it.

“Have to wonder why I didn’t start going crazy, if he was only six months…”

“You had contact with people, Sigma. While I’ll admit, the rhizome may not have been the best place, you weren’t completely isolated. As well, you had your work, and plenty of space to move around. On the other hand, Junpei only had a cell.”

“I suppose…”

“Don’t spend too long dwelling on it now. It’s happened, and you’re fine.”

He didn’t respond to that- perhaps ‘fine’ was a bit unfair. Had she been too brusque? It was possible, but she’d only been stating the facts as she saw them. While Sigma _had_ lived through that horrible timeline, he had also succeeded in the end. The AB project had been a success for him, he was alive, and that was really the most important thing.

“You’re being more businesslike than usual recently.”

“I’m doing something important.”

“Yes, but you’re distancing yourself quite a bit. Aoi’s gotten worried a good few times.”

Akane looked down, feeling a bit guilty. She knew that Aoi worried over her, but he knew that this was important to her. So long as she slept occasionally and ate properly, he really had nothing to get too worked up over. She’d be fine.

“Oh, it looks like he’s waking up. I should go see him-“

She moved for the door of the security room, but Sigma grabbed onto her arm.

“You do know he wouldn’t want you running yourself into the ground for his sake, right?”

“…”

“He might not’ve been exactly the same, but ‘Tenmyouji’ cared a hell of a lot, and he wouldn’t’ve wanted to see this.”

“I appreciate your input.”

Sigma let go, and Akane gently grasped onto her wrist after exiting into the hallway. Of _course_ she knew that- Junpei had been such a wonderfully selfless person. He’d always run face-first into danger, just like a superhero; and he’d never wanted her to get hurt.

And it was for that exact reason that Akane _had_ to work herself like this.

She’d managed to shake off that train of thought by the time she made it to Junpei’s room, knocking gently on the door. He gave an excited ‘come in’, and she opened it to find him sitting up on his bed, happy as always to see her.

“Good morning, Junpei.”

“Good morning, Kanny!”

They went through the same motions as always, but it broke her heart to see him like this. Every time they spoke, it reminded her of just what had happened to him- and of how she hadn’t been able to prevent it.

“Have you been eating?”

“Yes, of course!”

“I’m very glad to hear that.”

She forced a smile when she looked at him. Of course she’d already been aware of that, being the person who sat with him for each meal, but he always seemed to forget. Akane knew that was to be expected when you considered everything, but it didn’t make her worry any less. However, at the very least, he _had_ been gaining weight. His skin looked a little less sickly, and his bones weren’t quite as obvious through his skin. It was clear that he still had a long way to go before reaching a healthy weight, but the improvement gave her some fragment of hope.

They spoke for about an hour, which mostly consisted of Akane asking him questions and Junpei answering them for her. He was always quite enthusiastic when talking to her, but it had shown to be both a blessing _and_ a curse. For all his responsiveness to _her_ , Junpei would refuse to talk to basically anyone else- he either simply wouldn’t let them into his room, or he’d just stay silent and stare at a wall. It was… troubling, to say the least. She knew better than to expect immediate improvement, it was likely going to take many years of work to repair the damage that had been done to him mentally; yet despite her own words she’d hoped he would be at least a _little_ more responsive to others. Still, she would be patient. She _had_ to believe that patience would pay off.

“I have to go now, Junpei, but I’ll be back later. Ok?”

“Ok…”

As always, he looked upset at the prospect of her leaving. It always hurt to see that face- it was so _genuine_ , and it tore at her heart.

“Don’t worry Junpei, I’ll come back.”

He only nodded, saying a short goodbye as Akane left the room and closed the door, waiting to hear the ‘click’ of the electronic lock before walking back to the security room.

“He’s moved to the chair, in case you’re wondering.”

Sigma didn’t even turn around when she entered, too focused on his work. Even she wasn’t exactly sure where his endless piles of paperwork appeared to come from, if she was perfectly honest. It could’ve been work, or perhaps research for his efforts to formally gain his Ph.D. on _this_ timeline. Either was possible, but she didn’t ask.

“He does talk more. And he’s becoming more open to outside ideas, even if only slightly.”

“So, you think he’s improving?”

“…”

“Or at least, he’s not getting worse.”

“He’s stable, and for now that’s good enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In reference to Delta's "interference"- if mind hack is able to force people's bodies to move against their will, it would reasonably be fairly simple to make their minds produce sound/images that aren't there. "Akane" in the first chapter was a visual hallucination induced with this method.


	8. Doubt

“He’s been acting far more agitated the past few days.”

“Well, didn’t you say that ‘that day’ is next week?” Sigma pushed the desktop calendar over towards her, which had the date Junpei’d told her carefully circled off. “He’s probably aware of what’s coming.”

“It’s _possible_ , but his perception of time is still completely broken. I’m not sure if that would be it- or at least, it might not be the entire problem.”

“You saw how he reacted back at Dcom when he got his memories. I wouldn’t be surprised if he pretended to lose it just to force your hand.”

“No, he wouldn’t-“

“You saw it too, Akane. And you know he’d be more than capable of that.”

“……”

“Don’t underestimate him, just because he’s been sunshine and rainbows to you. You _know_ what he’s done.”

“I’m fully aware, Sigma.” Her voice was curt and cold, as her lips pulled downwards into a tight frown. “I’m not underestimating him just because he’s Junpei.”

Was it _really_ possible that Junpei could be planning something like that, though? She _knew_ what he’d been capable of, she _knew_ better than to assume it was entirely impossible- but she didn’t want to believe that Junpei would lie, just to have her kill him. The thought was too cruel, so she’d been ignoring it.

“So long as you’re aware.”

“And?”

“Hmm?”

“There’s something else you want to say. I can see it on your face.”

“…” Sigma appeared to think for a moment, before sighing and giving up. “You also need to consider the possibility that he’s pretending. He could be lying to you entirely, just to make you _think_ he’s improving.”

“He’s not lying. He’s definitely not.”

“Are you sure?”

“I would know if he was lying. I’d be able to tell.”

“He’s not the same as the kid you knew growing up, or that boy from the nonary game. Even if he _can_ remember that sometimes, he’s still a very different person.”

“Junpei is still Junpei.”

“If you say so…”

Sigma clearly didn’t believe her, but that was one thing Akane absolutely didn’t want to consider. She refused to believe that Junpei was beyond saving. Surely, if she tried hard enough for long enough periods of time, she could help him…

“Shit, Akane, you’re gonna need to get in there.”

“Huh? Whats happening?”

“It looks like he’s having a breakdown- it’s a bad one.”

“ _Shit!_ ”

The curse was muttered sharply under her breath, and she ran to Junpei’s room as fast as she could. Upon entering, she found him curled up on his bed in a tight ball, with his fingernails digging deeply into his arms. Blood was dripping from scrapes and scratches, and it looked like he’d bitten his tongue hard enough to draw blood, judging by the way it trickled slowly from his mouth.

“Junpei, I’m here. Can you hear me?”

She sat down next to him, and waited for a response. His eyes were open, but he didn’t appear to see anything- they were blurry and unfocused, and her chest got tight with fear.

“Junpei? Please, nod if you can hear me.”

There was a slight twitch of his head, and she felt herself relax slightly.

“I’m going to hold your hands, ok?”

Another twitch, and she got to work at removing his fingers from the gouges he’d made into his upper arms, before taking his bloodied hands into her own. His skin was frigid and his hands shook, but he still relaxed visibly when Akane made contact.

“Are they here?”

Once again he nodded, and Akane frowned ever so slightly. While the hallucinations had gotten better without regular exposure to the conditioned trigger, they were still a very real problem for him. She only wished there was some simple way to make them stop- but that was impossible, obviously. There were no shortcuts, there were no ‘simple answers’, there was only one real path to take if she wanted to help him.

“I’m right here. And I’ll stay here until they go away, alright?”

He opened his mouth in an attempt to say something, but nothing came out. Akane had expected as much, but it still seemed to distress him further.

“It’s alright, Junpei. You don’t need to force yourself to talk. I’ll stay right here.”

That looked as though it had reassured him, and he was growing more responsive the more she spoke to him. He still had a terribly lost look about him, and his hands hadn’t stopped shaking, but it _was_ slowing. She stayed by his side for a while, continuing to speak to him gently, until the shaking finally stopped entirely.

“They’re… gone…”

His voice was quiet and hoarse, but if he was well enough to talk then that meant he truly was doing better.

“I’m glad. I’ll stay with you for a little bit longer, and then we should get you patched up, ok?”

“Alright…”

He nodded, and shifted in place so that he could be closer to her. Akane only smiled and let him lean up against her side, careful not to show how the action tore at her on the inside. Sigma’s words were coming back to her- what if he _was_ going to pretend? Would she _really_ be able to tell if Junpei was lying to her? When she saw him like this, so weak and vulnerable, she honestly wasn’t sure anymore. It was stupid to think that he was only pretending, not when he was pressing into her so desperately like this; but at the same time, she could _see_ his scars. She could remember how easily and desperately he’d torn open his arms, not caring for a second about pain- it wasn’t _impossible_ that he could fake all of this…

No, now wasn’t the time to doubt him. For now, Akane needed to clean him up and keep him safe. She had to choose to believe in Junpei.

It was really her only choice.


	9. Push

Junpei was raking his nails across his chest, very carefully and quietly so that Kanny wouldn’t see him. He knew that she watched him, and he _loved_ that she was always there- but he knew that she didn’t like it when he hurt himself. He’d discovered which angles were subtle enough that he could hurt himself without her noticing, and he’d learned how to clean his hands before she arrived- he didn’t like hiding things from her, but he _needed_ it.

After all, _that day_ was going to be soon.

He didn’t know exactly _when_ it was, but there was a crawling at the back of his neck that told him it was _soon_. It made him so _nervous_ \- Kanny hadn’t fixed him yet. Oh, she’d saved him multiple times over; but she hadn’t _fixed_ him. They still came for him, and every time, They said the same things over and over: “ _You’re going to do it. You’re a monster. Just kill her then kill yourself._ ”

Naturally, Junpei wouldn’t listen to Them. He would _never_ lay a finger on Kanny, and Kanny didn’t want him to die. Living was his only option- but because he’d made that choice, it only made them more persistent. He knew that Kanny was with him, she watched him, but she could only do so much when she wasn’t actually _there_. He couldn’t bleed visibly, he couldn’t bruise, so his only option had been to learn how to hide it.

“Stop that.”

“Wh-what?!”

He spun around to find someone in his room- it was Sigma. Junpei’s face had a look quite similar to that of a child with his hands caught in the cookie jar, and he quickly put his hands behind his back and looked away.

“You’re bleeding.”

“No I’m not.”

“I’m not an idiot. Just because Akane misses it, doesn’t mean I do.”

“……”

“I haven’t told her yet. The only reason she hasn’t found you out is because I’ve kept it a secret.”

“………” Junpei’s eyes narrowed, and his hands eventually dropped to his sides. The blood had started to dry, and it made his fingers feel sticky- the sensation was familiar, but always odd. “What do you want.”

“Are you planning on dying?”

He was blunt and to the point, no skirting around the issue. Junpei hated talking to Sigma purely because of that- he wasn’t like Kanny. He was rude, and it made Junpei uncomfortable.

“No. Kanny doesn’t want me to die.”

“She doesn’t want you doing that either.”

“I don’t have a choice. They don’t leave unless I do it, and I can’t let Them stay.”

Sigma sighed heavily, and folded his arms. It felt like he was looking straight through Junpei, and he _hated_ it. Even if Sigma wasn’t bad like he’d thought, that didn’t mean he had to like him…

“Just go away.”

“Not yet.”

Junpei was getting angry, but Sigma didn’t seem to care. He _never_ seemed to care. Why was Sigma here? Did he just want to _bother_ Junpei? Did he want to _blackmail_ him?

“Go. Away.”

Again, Sigma didn’t move. Junpei clenched his hands into fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms as he walked up to Sigma.

“ _Leave!_ ”

He attempted to shove Sigma, but the taller man hardly moved upon impact. He looked at Junpei with an indiscernible expression, offering only a resigned grunt.

“You anger easily.”

“ _I don’t **care!** Get out!_ ”

Why did it matter if Junpei was angry or not? Why the _hell_ did Sigma care? Just _why the fuck wasn’t he **leaving?!**_

“What are you going to do?”

“I’ll- I’ll-“ What exactly _could_ he do? It was hardly like he could push Sigma out, and as much as Junpei didn’t like him, he couldn’t _kill_ him. Kanny would be very upset if he killed Sigma. “I’ll rip open my arms until they can’t stop bleeding, and then Kanny will come. And she’ll make you leave.”

“I see…”

“Why are you still here? _Leave!_ ”

Junpei moved to follow through on his threat, which quickly made Sigma seem to reconsider his desire to stay. Junpei only lowered his hand once he heard the door lock, smiling to himself- that had worked. Sigma was gone.

* * *

 “That was cruel. You shouldn’t have spoken to him.”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“We could’ve used other methods. Making him angry won’t _help_ him.”

“Neither will skirting around every problem, Akane. You can’t just _ignore_ things.”

“I am _not_ ignoring things. It’s just very clear that he needs a _lot_ of time to _heal_ , so we need to take things _slowly_.”

“We don’t have _time_ for ‘slowly’. Look, the only reason I aggravated him was to see if he’d attack me. We both know he hates me, if he hadn’t changed at all then he would’ve tried to kill me, or he would’ve _actually_ hurt himself. I’d say the likelihood of him still attempting the attack is fairly low, now.”

“We already _knew_ that, Sigma.”

“You _believed_ that. You didn’t _know_ it.”

“……”

Sigma looked away from Akane, visibly annoyed. He knew _why_ she was so soft on Junpei, but there were things they _needed_ to know. Sigma still couldn’t trust him, so he’d needed reassurance that Junpei wasn’t still planning on betraying them and losing it. However, he _also_ knew that it was something Akane would never ask. For as seriously as she was taking this, he could tell that there were some realities she didn’t want to face- not that he could blame her, obviously.

For as good as he’d gotten at distancing himself from his emotions, Sigma was not an emotionless person. He knew how much this had to be hurting Akane, and he couldn’t blame her for not wanting to suspect Junpei. For the entirety of the time he’d known her, she’d _always_ cared for him- having made it through everything, only to be reunited with him like _this_ must have felt like a slap in the face. Even _he’d_ eventually gotten some semblance of a ‘happy ending’ with Diana… but Junpei? Even in the slim chance that Akane actually managed to ‘help’ him, he would never be the person she remembered.

It was sad, in a way.

Yes, perhaps the truth of the matter was that in some ironic twist of fate, it was Sigma Klim who pitied Akane Kurashiki, and not the other way around. For everything in her life that she’d given up, her reward had been a broken boy and a lifetime’s worth of self-doubt.

Simply unfair, indeed.


	10. Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> major tw for suicide in this chapter

“Stop! _Stop! I don’t want to! Leave me alone!_ ”

Junpei knew it was today. They weren’t leaving him alone, They _refused_ to leave him alone. No matter how much he screamed, They continued to _taunt_ him, whispering at the back of his mind and trying to push him _further_. They wanted him to _break_ , and he’d be damned if it didn’t sound more pleasant than letting Them keep screaming like this…

‘ _You know that she’ll leave you eventually, once she realizes that you can’t be fixed. You’ll **never** be fixed. That’s why you need to do it. You need to go, now. Do it. You know that you have to do it.’_

“She won’t leave me! She _promised!_ "

‘ _Nobody in this world keeps promises. Promises are worthless. This **world** is worthless. But you can **do** something about it. You can **change** it. You can change this worthless world, if you just try._ ’

“I don’t _want_ to! _Stop it!_ ”

‘ _But you can remember the feeling. You can remember how **happy** you felt, knowing that you’d be together forever. Once she died, once everyone died, then you two could be **happy**. Isn’t it best if you’re **happy** together?_’

“No, it _didn’t_ make her happy! _She doesn’t want that!_ Just _stop!_ ”

Junpei was grasping onto his head- it felt like it was going to split open. Despite his protests, They were only getting louder… He didn’t know how much longer he could take it. Was it even possible to resist? Maybe in the end, it had been futile to even attempt to trust that Kanny could fix him.

At least he’d been able to spend some time with her…

Tears started streaming down his face as he collapsed to his knees, head still clasped tightly in his hands. He needed to die. He knew that Kanny wouldn’t forgive him for this, but he _needed_ to die. He’d told Kanny he would live, he knew that his only worth was if he could do what she wanted him to do, but there was no time left- They were _winning_. And once They won, it was too late for him.

He at least wanted to die while he could still slightly remember what it had been like to be _him_.

His eyes scanned the room, trying to decide _how_ to die. There was no bathtub so he couldn’t drown himself, there was nothing to hang himself from, and no open electrical sockets to electrocute himself on. Kanny was very careful to make sure he never had any sharp objects, and making one would be too difficult- unless, he used the mirror.  Yes, there was a mirror in the little bathroom, and the shower door was _glass_. It was likely reinforced, and would be hard to break- but he could do it. He’d have to do it.

It took him longer than he would’ve liked to shatter the mirror, and it wasn’t as impressive as he would’ve liked, but it had still resulted in some fairly decently-sized glass shards. He could feel it cutting the skin on his hand the moment he picked it up, and he smiled- yes, this would do perfectly. This would kill him.

There wasn’t a camera in the bathroom, but he knew that there were microphones. He knew that Kanny was probably running on her way right now, but he _couldn’t_ let her stop him. He _had_ to die. He had to die, before They took away what was left of him. Before They ruined what was left of him, before They ruined Kanny’s memories of him, and before He chose to kill eight billion people in cold blood.

“I’m sorry, Kanny. I’m really sorry. But I can’t be allowed to live anymore. Don’t forgive me for this.”

He was seconds from driving the shard right into his heart, when he felt it hit resistance- a hand? Whose was that-

It took his brain about three second to process the distinctly feminine scream of pain, and his blood ran cold before he even turned to see who it was.

“K-Kanny? What are you- _why?!_ ”

Akane had run in behind him, and in her last attempt to stop him had grabbed onto the mirror shard, letting it pierce through her hand. Junpei couldn’t stop staring at it, at her, at _what he’d done-_

“O-oh god.. Kanny… I’m so… N-no…”

“I’m fine, Jumpy. I’m fine.”

She wrapped her uninjured hand around his chest, pulling him backwards into her. The one that had been impaled stayed at a distance- as though she was afraid that he’d use it to finish the job.

“I… I… I _hurt_ you…”

“It wasn’t your fault. I’m just glad you’re alive-“

“ _No!_ ” He jerked forwards out of her grasp when Akane spoke, eyes glancing between the shards of mirror still on the floor, and the one still lodged in Akane’s hand. “I _need_ to die. There’s no other way- I _have_ to die, Akane. They’re right- They’re completely right. I need to die before I prove them right. Please, just _let me die_.”

He started to bend down to pick up one of the shards, but Akane used the same movement to grab onto his wrist, and haul him bodily through the open doorway. Once they were back in his room, she quickly closed the door- now, the only way he could die was the glass in her hand… could he do that to her?

No, he didn’t have a choice.

Besides, he already knew that Akane wouldn’t forgive him for dying. She’d hate him, but that was alright.

There wasn’t a moment to lose, so he quickly lunged for her, and tore the glass from her hand. She screamed in pain, and Junpei almost stopped- but he couldn’t. Tears poured down his face, he _knew_ what he was doing was _wrong_ , but he didn’t have a choice. _He had to die, and **now**_.

“I’m sorry.”

She jumped forwards, but Junpei knew that the distance would be too great. _This time,_ he could _finally_ _die_ \- when he felt something solid and heavy strike against the back of his head, and he crumpled to the floor in a bloody heap.


	11. Dilemma

Despite everything she had said, Akane was terrified. Her hand was throbbing with pain, she could feel the blood running down her arm, and she couldn’t get the look on Junpei’s face out of her mind. This was different from the other times she’d seen him break down- it wasn’t dull or vacant, he’d been _fully aware_ of what he’d been doing. Junpei had honestly wanted to kill himself with _every fibre_ of his being.

She’d collapsed to the floor after Sigma knocked Junpei unconscious, clasping her injured hand to her chest and shaking as she felt the panic attack start to set in. She hadn’t been fast enough. If Sigma hadn’t been here, then Junpei would be _dead_. Was there really nothing she could do for him? Were there no other options, outside of his death?

Akane didn’t know. She wasn’t sure if she _wanted_ to know.

“We need to get your hand patched up. That looks really bad- and there’s a chance it might be infected, considering the glass had his blood on it too.”

“………”

“Akane, please-“

“Get him help first. Please.”

“We can treat both of you at the same time.”

“…………”

“Akane, you know full well that we’re more than capable of helping you both. _Please_.”

“I couldn’t stop him.”

Now it was Sigma’s turn to be silent. He simple stared down at Junpei’s body, watching the weak rise and fall of his chest.

“I couldn’t stop him, Sigma. He was going to _die_. He was going to kill himself, and there was _nothing_ I could do for him.”

“…” Sigma’s sigh was heavy, and Akane felt like the atmosphere in the room was going to crush her. “But he’s alive.”

“Sigma-“

“He’s alive, and so are you. Now you’re going to stand up and go to the medical office, or I swear I’ll carry the both of you.”

“Fine…”

Akane picked herself up, letting out a breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. The walk to the medical office was silent, and it felt far longer than usual- she didn’t say anything when she got there, letting the doctor on staff look her over and go about treating her hand. She looked away when he applied the anesthetic and began stitching the wound shut, but she could still feel the pulling on her skin; it was strangely disconnected and she didn’t like the sensation.

Junpei was still unconscious when her hand had been completely sewn up, having been placed down on a medical bench by Sigma. The doctor looked him over for a moment, before giving him an injection- she didn’t need to ask to know that it was soporil. The cuts on Junpei’s hands weren’t terribly deep, only bleeding a lot, so they didn’t take long to patch up. Blood continued to lazily seep into the bandages, but for now it was enough.

“So, what are you going to do with him? You can’t keep him unconscious forever.”

“That’s…”

“Face the facts, Akane. He’s going to wake up, and he’s going to try to kill himself again. You probably only have one chance left at this, before he does something really stupid that he can’t go back from.”

“Dammit, I _know_ that, Sigma. I’m fully aware of all that.”

“Then why are you still hesitating?”

“Because… I’m scared. I don’t think I’ll be able to convince him to live.”

“Well, I sure as fuck won’t be able to do it.”

“Sigma-“

“Akane, listen to me. You’ve got two options right now. Either you hook him up to a soporil IV and force him to live the rest of his life unconscious, or you let him wake up and face the risk that he might die.”

“Is that supposed to make things _easier_ on me?”

“No. This isn’t an easy choice. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be in your situation, at least.”

Akane gave a derisive snort, unimpressed.

“Well, you’re not in my situation.”

“I know. And that’s why I’m asking you, which are you going to regret more? The world where you had him alive, but you could never speak to him; or the world where he died, but you had that chance? Would you rather face the _fear_ of failure, or the _guilt_ of it?”

“…I don’t know.”

“It’s something that only you can decide. I can’t make that choice for you.”

“I know that, Sigma.”

“Well, I’m going now. Still have work to do- you should take a few days to make your decision.”

“I will.”

Akane left for home shortly after Sigma did, but her mind was buzzing the entire time. She knew it was cruel to force Junpei to live the rest of his life essentially in a coma; but wasn’t it equally inhumane to allow him to wake up, if she _knew_ that being awake would lead to him killing himself?

In the end, it was an impossible dilemma, and she didn’t know the answer to it.


	12. Resolve

When Junpei awoke, he felt like his mind was in a fog. Everything was blurry, his focus came and went- he attempted to rub his eyes, but found that he couldn’t move his arms.

Why couldn’t he move?

He tried to sit up, but something wouldn’t let him. He’d been completely restrained, but why? What was going on? He felt panic start to rise- and then the memories came crashing down, and he started struggling desperately against his restraints.

“Junpei, please calm down. I promise, if you’ll just talk with me, then I can get you out of these-“

“No! No, no, no no nononon _nononononononoNO!_ ”

His voice went shrill at the final shout, and he saw Kanny wince. Why was he still alive? He was supposed to be _dead!_

“Junpei, I need you to listen to me.”

Kanny kept talking, but Junpei heard nothing. If he couldn’t move his arms or legs, then he couldn’t kill himself- he _needed_ to die! Why couldn’t she _understand_ that? He’d understand if she was _angry_ , yes, but he simply couldn’t get why she would have _possibly_ left him still alive.

His mouth was dry, and his tongue felt foreign in his mouth- wait, his _tongue_. If he could bite it off, then there’d probably be enough blood in his mouth to drown him. It was gory, and quite unfortunate that Akane would have to watch, but he _needed to die_.

His jaw opened wide, and he quickly attempted to close it on his tongue- but instead, he bit into something somewhat tough, yet still soft and warm.

* * *

 “ ** _Listen_** _to me, Junpei!_ ”

Akane was crying, but she kept her hand firmly in his mouth. She wondered if she maybe should’ve gagged him before waking him up, but it was too late for that now. Far, far too late.

“ _I don’t want you to die._ You are _not_ a bad person. That day already _passed_ , Junpei. Please, please, just _listen_ to me.”

She knew that her tears were falling onto his arm, but she didn’t care. She waited for something, _anything_ to show that he was actually listening to her, and found her response in his struggles starting to slow.

“You don’t have to die, Junpei. _Please_.”

He attempted to turn his head to look away, but Akane wouldn’t let him. She moved and stared directly into his eyes, attempting to stop the flow of tears. He refused to make eye contact, but Akane didn’t care- she just needed to get her point across.

“I know that you’re scared. You’re terrified of what you did, and you don’t want to lose control again. It’s alright. I understand that.” Perhaps Akane had never done what _Junpei_ had done, but she still had memories from timelines that she wasn’t proud of. “But dying won’t fix anything. It’s not going to change anything. When you die, then it’s _over_. And I know that’s probably what you _want_ right now, but-“

Her voice shook for a moment, and she forced herself to swallow back more tears. Now was not the time for it.

“If you die, then you’ll never have a chance to get better. You’ll never have a chance at proving yourself wrong, at proving _them_ wrong. I _know_ that you can prove them wrong, Junpei.”

She felt his jaw clench down on her hand, but from the look on his face it was clear that it wasn’t intentional- tears were streaming down his cheeks, and he’d squeezed his eyes shut while silent sobs wracked his body.

“I _trust_ you, Junpei. So please, have some trust in me.”

His jaw relaxed for a moment and Akane took that as a queue to remove her hand, doing so and quickly checking it over to see how injured it was. Despite the force that he’d used to originally bite down, there were only really the four puncture wounds from his canines; with just dark red lines to show where his other teeth had been.

“…rry.”

His voice was weak, but she could tell what he’d been trying to say. She smiled, and felt her shoulders start to shake, but she held it off long enough to respond.

“It’s ok. I forgive you.”

Her vision started to go blurry as hot tears rolled down her cheeks, and she went to undo his restraints.

* * *

 Junpei was confused. He was maybe the most confused he’d ever been in his life- but he was also the most _relieved_ he’d ever been in his life. Even when he felt his arms freed, he didn’t sit up- he only pressed the back of one arm up to his eyes, in an attempt to slow the sobs that shook his body.

Despite _everything_ , even with _everything he’d done_ , Kanny _still_ wanted him to live.

It was strange, really. Somewhere in his desperate attempts to kill himself, there had still always been some small part that wanted to live on.  He’d had no trouble silencing it then, it had been child’s play- but now, it was as if that tiny part was pushing back with a thousand times the force, making him want to cling desperately to what he still had.

Perhaps it was selfish to want _so badly_ to live, despite everything he’d done and everything he knew he was capable of, but for right now he didn’t care. He was completely overwhelmed by this utterly foreign sensation of wanting to _live_ \- not just because Kanny _told_ him to, but because it was actually what _he_ _wanted_. Every time he thought about it, every time he realized that ‘ _yes, I want to live_ ’, it brought a new wave of tears that wouldn’t slow.

Junpei didn’t know how long it took before he was finally able to talk- it might have been minutes, or it might have been hours. Time felt both very fast and very slow, but for right now that was just another thing that didn’t matter.

“Kanny, I want…”

“Yes?”

“I think I want… I want to try living. Just for a little bit longer.”

She didn’t say anything, but the relief was visible on her face. In this moment, neither of them needed to say anything- just being there was enough. They didn’t need words or contact, they were both grounded in this moment purely by their mixed relief and a tiny, far-off glimmer of hope.

The moment would have to pass eventually, though. It was after some time that Junpei finally sat up, wincing when he went to use his hands to push himself into a cross-legged position.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“It’s ok, Junpei. You were distressed- I know it’s not what you wanted to do.”

“But, still…”

Kanny grabbed onto Junpei’s hands with her own, giving him a gentle smile.

“Once I get this one looked at, we can match.”

“That’s… I’d rather if we didn’t…”

She forced an awkward giggle, and Junpei looked away. He’d hurt Kanny… Akane. His first instinct was that he needed to hurt because of it- but that wasn’t right, was it. Wasn’t hurting himself why they’d gotten to this point, or at least part of the reason? Him bleeding wouldn’t change what had happened… it would only make her upset.

“Hey, um… A-Akane?” She was visibly surprised when he used her name, and not her nickname. To be frank, he was equally shocked that he’d done it; but there were more important things to discuss. “Are you… upset? Are you disappointed you couldn’t fix me?”

“Oh, Junpei…” He looked down at his knees, not willing to see the reaction on her face. “No, I’m not. Because _helping_ you is what’s important.”

“Then… you’re really not angry with me? Even after all this?”

“I’m going to tell you the truth, Junpei. But I want you to look at me for it.” He obliged, and turned to look Akane in the eyes. “I’m proud of you, Junpei. I’m so, so _proud_ of you. Because _you_ made the choice to live, and _you_ made the choice to let me help you. I couldn’t be any happier right n-”

She was cut off as Junpei wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug, burying his head into her shoulder and starting to sob once more. After a moment she reciprocated, moving him closer still before gently rubbing his back.

“Akane, I want to try now. I want to really try. I don’t think I’ll be very good at it, but I want to do my best.”

“All I could ever ask for is that you keep trying. It doesn’t matter if you’re not good at it- I’ll be there for you when you stumble. I promise.”

“Thank you…”

Even after the tears finally stopped, Junpei stayed like that for a long time, continuing to rest in Akane’s arms. He didn’t know how long this would take, and he didn’t know if he’d be able to see this through until the end; yet for some strange reason he wasn’t scared. It wasn’t that the prospect of failing wasn’t scary- it was still terrifying, obviously. However, there was something new that he hadn’t had before: a belief that maybe, it actually was possible for even _him_ to get a little bit better.

He didn’t know if it was possible for Akane to ‘fix’ him. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to get Them to leave forever, and he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to have more than just fleeting memories of what had been ‘him’ from before everything, but for now that was fine. For now he’d forget about the big picture, and find comfort in the fact that he was being given this second chance at all.

In the end, it was all he could ever ask for- and all he really wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a project I've been working on for a good few months now, it started from a personal idea I tossed around a couple times just in headcanon, but then it exploded into an entire story idea that I just couldn't get out of my head. It's definitely been an interesting one to work on, and a bit of a different one as well- it's been fondly nicknamed "the worst AU" as the file name while I was working on it, for probably obvious reasons.
> 
> I do hope that you all enjoyed this one. The ending is one that took me a long time to get down, but it's one that I'm really happy with. This entire strange AU has ended up meaning a lot to me in some strange and possibly personal ways, but I'm just happy if a few other people read this and enjoy it.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!
> 
> (and to anyone waiting for the vlr au- I promise, I'm working on it. I've got a hopeful timeline for the next fic's release, but I'm not going to make any promises on the date just in case.)


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